A PRETTY TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF THE TYPE OF ENCOUNTERS EXPERIENCED IN THE DAY-TO-DAY LIFE OF JUDI REED

Ridiculously early start to the day – a 3 hour neuroscience lecture starting at 8.30am. It’s a small class, but the lecturer is very engaging so not too bad, although still hard work given the early hour. So, break time comes, and I dash to the lift so I can head outside and have a much needed ‘perk me up’ cigarette and the can of Red Bull I have stashed in my bag.

One of my fellow students, who I’ve never spoken to before, follows me into the lift and asks if I’m going to get a coffee? I reply ‘no just going to have a quick cigarette’. He is a non-smoker now, but used to smoke rolly’s, tells me I should smoke rolly’s instead of tailor mades, (this particular lift is very slow, so insert a not very interesting discussion on the pros and cons of rolly’s versus tailor mades here).

Lift gets to ground level; I dash out and around the corner to have my quiet smoke. He follows me and asks if I’d like to grab a coffee with him, I say ‘no, I’m just going to have my cigarette’. He looks a little disappointed and then rather animatedly urges me to join him for a coffee. I decide it would seem too impolite to say no under the circumstances, and as I had no particular desire NOT to have a coffee or anything, I said ok. So I stand outside the coffee shop (because I still really wanted my cigarette). He goes inside, orders coffees, popping back outside several times to make sure I know the coffees have been ordered and what table he’s got for us etc. So I end up butting out my cigarette halfway through, feeling guilty for keeping him waiting.

The coffee actually hits the spot nicely, so I sip my latte as I listen to him chat, and all the while he is positively beaming at me. After several minutes of this chit chat, he ups the ante, and starts talking about what a wonderful woman I seem to be, and how I speak so beautifully, how very intelligent I am etc etc. This surprises me, and all seems a bit odd, but hey, I’m not averse to a bit of flattery, so I don’t argue with him.

It transpires I’m single, after having ended an unsatisfactory long term relationship quite some time ago, and a short monologue ensues about how he knows I would have been a wonderful supportive partner and he can’t imagine how any man could let me go, how he must be a fool, and how he’ll regret it etc etc (don’t bother to argue that either, although finding the situation more and more bizarre).Then the conversation moves on to talk about our theses, and striving for academic excellence. He tells me that he can see that I would be one of those students who would strive for excellence just like he does.

All the while he’s still beaming at me as if all his Christmases have come at once.

So, we finish our coffees (well he downed two in quick succession in this short space of time), and start wandering back to class. Which, if the truth be told, I’m kind of looking forward to, because the encounter, although interesting, was all a bit full on for so early in the morning.

Then out of the blue he says ‘Judi, you didn’t iron your jeans this morning!’ (Seriously, do people really iron their jeans?). This comment causes the interaction to shoot up even higher on my bizarre scale, I say ‘um, noooo, no I didn’t’, then he says ‘oh I understand, you probably didn’t have time, but you should always try and iron your jeans!’. At this point I explain to him that I don’t iron my jeans ever, or anything else for that matter, and that in fact I don’t even own an iron, because there are really so many other things I’d prefer to spend my time on than ironing.

Now a look of horror crosses his face. As if he can’t believe such blasphemy is spewing forth from my beautiful lips, and he proceeds to give me quite a talking to about how important it is to iron ones clothes (apparently as important as other daily activities such as showering and eating), because how you look (and presumably whether you have ironed your clothes or not) tells everyone about the kind of person you are. So I say, ‘well, I’m just happy telling the world to take me as I come’, he says ‘yes, yes of course, but you should iron…’

Needless to say, the trip back up to class in the slow slow lift was a tad more awkward than the trip going down.I never saw him in that class again after this. I can only presume that he dropped out, or felt he just couldn’t face the horror of seeing me in my unironed state again.

Seriously though, it does make you wonder (and it makes me feel a little sad) that these gender stereotypes and expectations still seem to be so prevalent in some people.

For, I can only conclude from this encounter, that even though I am an articulate, intelligent woman, expanding my mind, and contributing, through academia, to the advancement of knowledge in the psychological and physiological processes which impact on us all and how we live our lives, that there is still an expectation that while doing this, I must maintain the stereotype of being a skilled homemaker, and ensure that everything is beautifully ironed as well…that’s a lot of pressure!

– Judi Reed, 2012